Let’s Talk About Sex

Dear Future Daughter

OK I get it. Super weird talking about sex with your mom. But believe it or not, I might have learned a little something about it in my day considering I had you and all. I don’t expect you to stay a virgin until you are married. I think it is an unrealistic idea to expect that of you but I do want you to consider your body as special and sacred. I want you to treat it with respect and demand that your partners do as well. But most of all I want you to protect yourself. I believe in education and family planning. If you know all the facts you can make informed decisions about what is best for you. I went to a Catholic school and the so called “health classes” were less then accurate. I felt ill informed when I started having sex. I was lucky enough to have the resources available via my health insurance to protect myself against pregnancy and a job to support financing for condoms. Not everyone is so fortunate. There is a huge population of people who do not have health insurance and do not have the financial resources available to them for adequate family planning. I consider myself very lucky and so should you.

As I said before, I was a late bloomer and did not lose my virginity until I was 17.  I used to think I was such a loser because I didn’t cash in my V card until college. In hind site, it was the best thing that could happen. I was a little older and I am not saying it was an amazing moment with flower petals and birds singing or anything. It was awkward and probably unmemorable for the guy.  But I was mature enough for the situation and the guy is not your dad, we didn’t date that long and pressure was off about when I was going lose it. I don’t think there is a right time for you to start having sex and I know you are not going to listen to your mother about when is the right time but I ask that you be comfortable with the decision and PROTECT yourself. Relationships come and go and sex is a natural part of a relationship and about growing up. When you are comfortable with yourself, your body and your partner sex can be a great thing. It is not dirty, degrading or something to be embarrassed about. Now don’t take this as a free pass to “spread the love around” if you know what I mean. This conversation is about respecting your body and making decisions that are best for you. Knowing when to say no is a big part of that.

The last take away from this conversation is to protect yourself. If you are having sex, I want you to tell me so we can take you to the doctor and put you on some birth control. I would much rather be safe than sorry in this situation. Be prepared for a talk about sex and the consequences but you will not be punished or judged. Are we both going to feel uncomfortable, yes. Does that matter, no. The most important thing is getting you educated about the decisions and actions you are making and protecting you against pregnancy and STDs.

Love Ya

~M

Keep what’s under your clothes off your phone

Dear Future Daughter

I am so happy we did not have cell phones with cameras built in when I was in middle school/ high school. In fact, I did not even have a cell phone until my senior year of high school. I was so jealous of all my friends with cell phones and texting had just come out… ohhh I remember vividly how much I wanted one. My mom would let me use hers when I went out with friends, you know “in case of emergencies” and I finally got one for my birthday senior year. She was actually so sweet; I just failed my driver’s test and was hysterical on my way to work at the local coffee shop and she secretly put it into my purse. I walked to the back of the shop to put my stuff away and I heard this vibrating noise. Yep, she was calling me. Awwww… right? Anyway, I totally veered off course there. Back to sexting.

Again, I did not have this kind of technology when I was young and impressionable. You know the years 10-16. Where you have a group of friends and you think you are so cool and want to impress boys so bad. Thank God! I was a super nerd, a bit chunky, divorced parents, a dad who was dating (it seemed at the time) a skinny confident blonde, and way too much time on my hands. I did not date when I was younger (not that people actually date at that age, more like stating to the class they like each other) but I so badly wanted to. So badly wanted to be popular. My friends and I would do these 3 way calls, where a friend would call up a boy I liked and ask him if he felt the same way, of course without knowing I was on the call. Always no.

I understand how painful these years are and how badly you want to be liked. But I promise you, no good can come out of taking naked pictures of yourself and sending them to your boyfriend or a boy you like. Please listen to me, you are worth so much to me and I haven’t even met you yet. To me you are the most beautiful, wonderful person and I want everyone to know that, especially that boy you like because he has to know how great you are. But if he wants you to send him pictures of yourself to get him to like you, he is NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. Pictures last a lifetime, even long after the moment has passed. As much as we want to believe that people are good, they are human and gossip is a part of our nature. God forbid the pictures are passed around to your peers but far worse is they come back to haunt you later in life, when you run for president or become a movie star (which you will because you are smart and awesome.)

Love Ya

~M

Welcome

I have been thinking about writing a book to my future daughter for awhile now. You know, start compiling a list of things I want to tell her about growing up and becoming your own woman then give it to her when she is old enough to understand. I was lucky enough to have a strong mother who overcame many obstacles and in turn instilled the “I am woman hear me roar” attitude. When I hear about sexting scandals and people in the news bashing the choices women make, I just want to go up to that girl and say “Hey, what are you thinking? You are so much better than that” or “I am so proud of you for making your own decisions and what is best for you.” I of course have made many mistakes in my young life and I am sure I will make MANY more but I believe that maybe hopefully I will have something to teach my daughter and maybe this world.

As a disclaimer, the writings in this blog are my opinions and experiences. By no means is the path I take good for every person but hopefully inspiring people and my future daughter to take their/her own path and make this life what is best for you.

Until next time.

~M